Film ♬ | A Christmas Carol

I don’t remember the last time I watched a movie that reminded me so much about what it means to be a human being. Christmas is upon us and it’s only a few short weeks to go before all the arrangements around a family coming together comes alive.

A Christmas Carol is a beautiful movie that reminded me of such a beautiful time of the year and the potential of the magic of Christmas. When I was young, Christmas was a very special and exciting time of the year. We had many traditions and many things to do that use to be part of our family.

In the past couple of years, it has not been so. My family has separated and I don’t remember the last time we all celebrated it together. We are a family of adventurers, a family that is traveling and exploring the world, we went our separate ways since I was 13 and it’s a rather disturbing thought to think that I haven’t had my Christmas with my full family for the past 19 years.

Last year, due to various circumstances, I was alone. First time ever. Christmas was spent watching movies, eating ice cream and also putting 1000 piece puzzle which I didn’t complete in time. It helped me reflect. A Christmas Carol touched a sad part in my heart which brought me back to last year Christmas as it was something I could relate to. It showed me that I have been too focused on trying to survive, build my career, get a sense of security and safety in my life, without celebrating what matters — being together, having a family.

Family time is naturally somewaht tricky. Different characters, different dramas, however it still somehow is a grounding timing to spend those moments together.

I’m blessed that this year I will be celebrating with my sister and her partner. Something that we did for many times in the past. However, I would be lying if I said that I don’t long to spend Xmas with my father. It’s rather sad how distant I feel from him at the moment, even though I know for a fact that he is a man that loves me most in this world. I’m blessed to have all my family alive with me, even if we are in all different parts of the world.

What comes to me is why.

How did this happen? Why are we apart? Why couldn’t we put our pain and hurt to one side and to still be there for one another. The people who we needed most in this world, didn’t have our back. The people who were supposed to be our family and one unit were the people who separated from one another.

Each year I give presents and postcards to my close friends and people who I was grateful for being part of my life during the year. It’s fascinating just how little time I had with my own family. One trip to Lithuania to meet my niece and three times to see my mother. One time to see my father and my brother. Zero times seeing my sister. I have lost communication with my cousins. I have lost communication with my grandmother from my mother's side and my other grandmother that helped me to grow up. She was there when I was young and had to practice piano for long hours. It helped me when she would fall asleep next to me.

What I loved about A Christmas Carol is the fact that Mr Scrooge gets a second chance. He is able to help those around him who needed help. He was able to provide a moment of joy for those who he has been distancing himself from and turning cold heart.

Resilience — why do we go against what is happening in our lives. Why do we get hurt and not try to be better?

Some lines that stopped me for a moment were:

• I will honor Christmas all year old and keep it in my heart.
• I’ll keep my promise of living and not complaining. Taking my time to appreciate all daily. As per my request to live in Lisbon

This movie helped me to question — how can I alter my behaviour? How can I change the direction of my Christmas miracle experience? How can I co-create and make it a memorable and meaningful time of year?

To feel depressed and to feel hopeless is something that I have very much accustomed of being in the past years. I want to have my own family, I want to finally grow up and take responsibility for my life. It’s important to make an effort. It’s important to try, do, decide and keep moving forward. My partner this morning has kindly reminded me that it’s very important to accept things in life. Sometimes things are hard and tough, but it’s important to do what we can, to try a little bit harder, to accept and keep moving forward.

I accept that I haven’t called my father for a long time.

I accept that I haven’t helped my grandmother at all because I didn’t know how to.

I accept that I have been repeating my mother's patterns of being busy, trying too hard to please others and avoid her own happiness.

I accept that my mother is not a role model for a woman that I wish to be. That it has affected my relationship with others.

I accept that I might have not been a good sister where I haven’t called my sister much, or given her presents, I haven’t been able to express my gratitude to her for everything she has done for me over the year.

I accept that I haven’t been a good aunt to my niece. I haven’t sent her presents or been more present.

I accept that I haven’t been a good sister to my brother, because again, he always felt that I needed saving and I didn’t know how to be an adult with him.

Does this make me a good human being?

What if others knew this element about me? Would they judge? Would they understand? Would they sympathize with a spoiled young girl who cannot do or accept anything if it doesn’t go her way? If people’s attention is not on her, if she is not complemented, if she is not given what she wants. A spoiled young girl who even judges herself for not knowing how to live. Life does have two sides to the story. We can sit here and feel sorry for her trauma, for the consistency or negative mind and hopelessness that she copied from her father, or victim mentally that she copied from her mother, or her constant running away from reality because it’s so very hard to live in the now.

Acceptance.

Peace.

And Love.

Once in a while we are reminded that we are here for a human experience. We are here to experience the emotions, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, to go through motions to feel and more importantly — we are here to live.

Let’s accept our differences, let’s respect each other's choices in life, let’s accept our shortfalls and spread a little more love than what we have received thus far.

What will I do to amend my behaviour?

✔ Call my dad.

✔ Call my brother to see how he is doing.

✔ Text my brothers wife to check in.

✔ Respond to my grandmother's email.

Advice to myself

Taking ownership of feeling good is a good thing. Cooking at home. Eating together. Being together. Keeping a positive and fun atmosphere at home by being present.

Dream! Have your own dreams and wishes, but also respect those around you.

Keep close contact with your family and friends.

It’s your heart that has the map to your life.